What up?

Hey, were you all tantalized by the last update? Get your juices flowing? Get you all hot and bothered to find out what exactly it was that I was up to?

Clearly not. Really, not a huge public response to that. Would’ve updated sooner, but I was hoping that the anticipation would drive people mad. No such luck, so I’ll just tell you all.

Yep, just moved into the new place. Beautiful. Hardwood floors, windows on two walls, lots of storage space, etc. etc., in one of the coolest parts of L.A., called Los Feliz. It’s just me here, which suits me fine. I actually can’t think of a time in my life where I haven’t had a roommate or a significant somebody living over top of me. I’m sitting here right now, having taken a sick day, just enjoying the sound of the birds outside my window as they go back and forth between the orange tree and the palm tree out back. Life is really good.

I signed a lease for a year, so I’ll be here for a while. Should be enough time to get some things in my life that need to be explored not only taken care of, but explored, mapped, catalogued and ultimately – resolved. Maybe a bit of spare time to put those stories I have stuck in my head down on paper, or at least on hard disk. Time to maybe learn how to surf properly, or to go camping for more than a night, or maybe just time enough to enjoy my own company. See, right now, I have time for others. I have time to give, more time than I ever have before, but now it’s a choice. It’s my decision who I’d like to give my valuable time to. Sometimes that will be me. Sometimes it will be somebody else like Jamie, or Jason and Ellie. Maybe Caleb Cook, who I bought a phone card to get in touch with. And who didn’t answer his phone. Not real sure what time of day it is in the big SK right now, so not too worried. Time to explore what I really want out of the job that I’m at, and time to decide whether I should give it more of my time. The big thing though is that around me is this bubble that I decide who’s allowed into. Not a whole lot of people are invited right now, I’ll tell you that. Speaking of, I’ll tell you something else that I’ve decided. The most important conclusion that I’ve come to recently is this – if I don’t feel 100%, I’m just not going to do it. I’m sick and tired of compromise. That’s my epiphany of the week. If I’m not all the way into it, I’m not going to do it. I know that perhaps most people think this way already, maybe I’m years behind coming to this conclusion right now, but it’s really quite simple – I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do. I don’t have to work at a job that I don’t really like. From here on out, if I don’t want to do a job, don’t truly care about it, I won’t. Period. From here on out, no more playing with girls that I know, deep down, are not for me. No more spending time with people who I don’t really care about, and who don’t really care about me. No more fakeness, bullshit, PC living, no more cutting corners, no more compromising of myself and the things that I know are true. I don’t need to do that. This may not be the epiphany to anybody else that it is to me, but it’s a milestone in my life, I’ll tell you what. See, I used to believe that I wasn’t enough of a person to deserve the things that I wanted. I felt like I had to skeez my way into relationships, trick my way into getting the things I wanted, that I couldn’t stand on my own two feet and say “I am entitled to happiness.” Now, I realize that I don’t need to sell myself out. It may be hard to believe, but I’ve grown six inches in the last two months. I’ve gained 30 pounds of pure muscle. You can’t tell to look at me, but it’s true. For the first time in my life, I’ve realized that I can take on goliath and his twin brother and win.

I am Gabe, version 2.0. Hear me roar.